Sunday, December 31, 2006

blog blog blog

Here's to one of those horrifically long posts.

All in a bunch of random notes.


2006 is almost gone, and soon 2007 will be here (or is already here, depending on which part of the world you are in and when you are reading this). Time flies so fast when you least expect it to, and soon i'll finish my degree and graduate. Can't wait for that day to come. In May. But in the meantime theres this small matter of 4 final papers in 2 weeks time. And 3 final papers in May. And a final year project to top it all up.

Study study study baby yeah!

Walawe 4 papers in 5 days is just too much.

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I been spending the last month (ie dec) using up my antisocial quota that was unfinished. Isolation from the world for a short period of time is good for you soul, i tell you. Not too long though. Although i did venture out occasionally to get supplies and that single christmas dinner, i've been pretty much living in quarantine. And doing a lot of thinking. Which often happens only when i'm depressed. And the depressing thing about this depression is that i don't know why i'm depressed. As a science/math trained student, the worst case scenario to solving a problem is not knowing what the problem is. But nonetheless i'll continue to search for the reason of this depression, and hopefully, while i'm at it, forget about this depression in the first place.
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Over my quarantine month i came to the realization about how fragile humans are. And how grievous knowledge can be. People nowadays glorify the human will so much, eg, "When there's a will, there's a way so they say." And if you don't make it you're classified as having a weak will. Weakling. Someone who cannot go far. Get out of my sight, u weakling! Let's place the strong willed guy on the pedestal instead and write books about his life and how they made it big. When in truth is, all of us are so prone to failure, our fears, so many things beyond our control, death, tragedy etc. You wake up in the morning and determine in your heart to not do this and not do that, and do this right etc, and by night you've gone against everything that you willed for in the morning. So much for the strength of the human will - though i'm not implying that we should go on living without a purpose or will and drift about aimlessly, just that we overglorify the "human will" element.

And i also realized that the more you know, the more you know you don't know, the more you are unable to do, the more things are beyond your control. The more you care, the more you are unable to care; etc. The list goes on. So comes the saying ignorance is bliss. But to be ignorant is to live like a fool. A happy fool maybe. But i consider ignorance an act of selfishness. Because you have to capacity to bring about changes for the better, but you choose to ignore it. But yet to know is to be grieved, and to fight a never ending battle that you will never win. Pretty bleak outlook on life huh?
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I just realized i've used up my "but" quota for 2007 in the last 2 sentences.
hmmm
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On to more trivial matters, I don't usually make new year resolutions, but nonetheless i did come up with a few when i was up last night lying on my bed at 3am fighting off the effects of caffein.

Anyways here are a few of them.

1. Swear off anime and computer games until i graduate.
Possibility of success: Confirm fail.

2. Learn every single song in GnR's Appetite for Destruction album.
Possibility of success: Achievable if i don't get bored of it.
In short, highly unlikely. 50% is good enough.

3. Get my biological clock back in order.
Possiblity of success: Must be done in order to wake up in time for exams.

4. Learn to sing and not sound like cinapek.
Possibility of success: Quite hard because i cannot tahan my own singing.

5. Play Steve Vai's "Tender Surrender"
Possibility of success: 0%. But still worth a shot.

6. Do some excercise. Nahhhh.
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You know you got some serious colour issues when your brown underwear comes out from the washing machine blue in colour.
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Hard Gay Ramen!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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I'm deciding whether or not to give this long hair thing one last try or to just cut it short. Decisions decisions.
Any suggestions???
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i received a friendster testimonial from Joannah the other day stating she heard my x-rated recording of Eric Clapton's Layla Unplugged. Why Enoch WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII????
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It's 230pm, new year's eve, and time to study.

Happy new year folks!!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

The day after...

After this morning's fiasco (see previous post) where i completely flipped out because of the rubbish amount of coursework that i had (note the past tense), i woke up this morning -after sleeping at 530am the night/morning before- deciding that i won't care about* the last question of general insurance coursework which concerns accounts of an insurance company (which i worked on for 3 hours but failed to get it right), i went off to town today with James to oogle -kids please note that the correct spelling is ogle- at guitars and forget the sorrows of the world.

*Don't care is subject to daniel's paranoia about a wrong coursework question affecting the final exam mark which ultimately be the deciding factor between and first class and second class honours. Dont care changes according to mood.


And after oogling at guitars for a good 1 hour in various guitar shops in london, we came upon this shop that i once entered (upon my quest on buying an electric guitar) and stepped out immediately because of the relatively unaffordable price tags on the guitars. But today the mission was to oogle and not buy, and plus i had james with me, so we went in and continued our oogling spree.

So anyways I was oogling at some guitar pedals in the cabinet when James comes up to me and says, "Hey dude I really try out some of the pedals here."

So we went up to this guy who was basically fiddling about with a guitar and spoke to him concerning the matter. So he asks, "What kind of stuff do you play? What kind of sound are you looking for?"

Now my dear buddy James coolly points at me and says, "Well my friend here is looking for a wah/distortion pedal, and he basically plays stuff from Gilbert and Vai."

Riighhhhhtttt. -_-""

He could have at least said "tried to play".

But anyways, thankfully he didn't ask me to play, and he proceeded to do a few demos on some different pedals. And I, fresh from a month of non-stop coursework packed action, found the joys of retail therapy all too easily.

So i blew my budget for 2007 and got myself this new toy.

Its the Metal Muffer!!!

I messed about with it when i got home, and found out that i could get my pathetic 15W hiwatt practice amp to sound like zakk wylde on overdrive. Come on baby yeah! Crank up the distortion!!!!!

-----------------------------------

I recently realised that my brother has a natural talent for posing. Just compare the two photos below:
Me


My brother.


Like how the heck do you beat that. This one beats all the poser shots i've seen so far.

But anyways, i'm off to istanbul on monday for a holiday. Will be back on the 16th.


Saturday, December 09, 2006

take a deep breath...

I am pissed. No really pissed. Like DAMN ASS PISSED!!! I AM SICK OF ALL THIS STUPID ASSIGNMENTS!! SICK OF WORKING UNTIL 4AM EVERY BLOODY NIGHT FOR THE PAST MONTH! SICK OF IT! YOU HEAR ME!!!??? YOU HEAR MEEE!!?!????

ahh.... pardon me. needed to let that out. neighbours dont like me screaming at the balcony at 230am. so i scream here. sorry if i hurt your ears :P

ok back to work.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

somedays....

Woke up one day and saw irene online... so decided to give her a hearty hello daniel lee stlyle. This was the conversation then ensued:

mrdaniel says:
ireneeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ї®êи€ says:
Sorry, this is Irene's mom

mrdaniel says:
ohh my apoligies


ughh... sugguh memalukan. talk about blunders

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Bestest Birthday Ever!

Today I am 22. And this post is dedicated to all the wonderful ppl who made it such a fantastic day.


Good morning!! You're 22 today!!

Woke up this morning feeling like... well the picture says it all. Half dead. Slept at 3am the night before, and was up chatting with friends from back home who were wishing me happy 22nd birthday. Woke up at 930 due to the sound of drilling in the apartments around mine. Decided it would be futile to go on sleeping.


Work baby work!

Life for the past few weeks had been work work work work work. And still is. Today however, I turned on "super lazy mode" and decided to do nothing. Well i tried to read up on my final year project (partly conscience pricking but mainly because its due the first draft is due this thursday...eeek!!), but then i covered a grand total of 2 pages in 4 hours and can't recall what I read about.

But anyways i digress.

Ended up watching the Steve Vai: Live in London Astoria DVD that James lent to me. When I watch guitar players like that i often ask myself why do I even bother to try playing.

So anyways, went off to uni after to meet Hafiz to get some anime from him *thanks hafiz!!!*.

And came back, tried to play some guitar but my fingers decided it didn't want to and ended up trying to read my FYP again before finally doing the sensible thing and watched Gundam Seed.

And later the guys came over for dinner to celebrate with me...
And they brought me presents too.
A U2 CD/DVD/Book plus a 10 pound bookshop gift voucher. Shopping at borders tomorrow! Hurrah!!!!

And we capped the day off by watching the new Bond movie Casino Royale. Ah that movie deserves a post by itself.


Hmm... I suddenly realised this post was supposed is meant to be dedicated to those who made it such a fantastic day and I've forgot to do that.

But anyways,

Thank you

Dad, mom, esther, matthew for the birthday ecard that you sent! My father super high tech. I also dunno how to send E card. I super bangga.

Joy, who called me up all the way from malaysia to wish me a happy be-early birthday. Miss you lots!!

Nick Chan, who despite all the hardship and trouble he goes through, sent an sms-wishing me happy birthday. hang in there bro, i'm praying with you.

Li Jin, who wished me happy birthday *although not counted because I had to tell you :P*

Sze Chuen, who stayed up all the way till midnight despite having to wake up at 6am this morning for work so that he could wish me happy birthday when the clock struck 12.

Eileen Tey, who specially got to uni at 8am in the morning in bali to use the internet connection so she could wish me happy birthday at midnight london time, even though i forgot her birthday despite being specifically reminded a few days before :P

Rachel Tan, who always remembers my birthday, although i never remember hers. *ehehe sorry ha*

Seok Huei and Chee Kean, Sandy, Stephanie, Hui Jun, albert ling (boi!-sorry didn't managed to get back to you in time, was watching gundam :P), who msn-ed me and wished me happy birthday!

Jay Loh, who wrote me a email wishing me happy birthday. Made me feel super terharu.

Chern Liang, my PG leader back home, who took the time to wish me happy birthday before rushing off to work.

Jack Ling, also my PG leader, who sent me the E card with some advice on how a surefire way of retrieving guitar picks that have fallen into the sound hole!

My brother Matthew, who sent me his own version of a E card in which I was supposed to pin the monkey's tail on its ass!

Irene, who gave the best E card ever with the dancing amah and dog!

Suzanna, who wished me happy birthday on my blog. Aiya... i didnt know you read my blog.

Joannah and Siang, who both wished me happy birthday on friendster =)

Pastor Sandra!!! Who took time out of all the important things that you have to attend to to write me an email to wish me happy birthday and find out how i'm doing. *super pastor!!* Sorry lah i didn't write back despite being in London for so long... hehe :P Come visit in march!!

Lesley Lim.. happy birthday to you as well!!

Aunty Lay Choo.... thank you aunty!! I belanja you makan when i get back. If you allow me to, that is ;)

Caryn and Apu aka AH, thanks for the birthday wishes! Apu sayang kau tak datang makan ngan kita orang. We missed the hunk. Caryn......aiyo the only girl in our group never come. All guys. where can?? :P

Jacky, Dennis.... for coming all the way to the ghetto to celebrate with me and belanja me makan despite your budget concerns. I truly appreciate it =)

Daniel Nee aka CB, for coming to celebrate with me. Come to whitechapel more often!!! And thanks for the gift voucher!

Chia Wei, Ding, and Alvin aka SB, for taking time out -esp ding and chia wei, from WoW..I mean your FI- to come over here and celebrate. Alvin and Ding for the U2 present! And Chia Wei for the gift voucher as well. London won't rock as much without you guys around. THANK YOU.

Thank You Jesus, for 22 wonderful years of life with You.




Today I am 22.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Run baby run

Dear Daniel,

With the ridiculous amount of courseworks that you have (made worse by unreasonable deadlines and more importantly, your idiocity in refusing to stop watching Gundam Seed- until 2am in the morning- and read up every form literature u can find except your textbooks), i hereby decree that if you do not start working your ass off now* you might not live to your 22nd birthday.

ermm. ok. maybe its time to start work.

*working your ass off - 8 hours of studying a day excluding classes. hence no sleep at night. and certainly no more gundam. only used in emergency situations - ie week 9 of term


BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN THE STOREEEYYYY!!!!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

City CU Rocks The Blocks!

Many thanks to Li Jin who took the pic. Hence not in pic =p

Weeeeba weeeba yada blah.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Warning: Emo post

today i realized something about myself... i guess these songs somehow fit....

It's shame
That our paths should have crossed so young
Who's to blame
For the tears and the damage done

All I know
Is I can't forget the time we had
And I'm sorry if it turned out bad

Even though I want you
Even though I need you
Even though my heart is screaming
Still believing
We could fall in love

Even though I want you
Even though I need you
Even though we won't find better
We can't stay together

Tell me why
There were secrets you never told oh, no
It's a crime
The cliche of a love gone old

All I know
Is I've given all I can to you
And there's nothing more that I can do

Even though I want you
Even though I need you
Even though my heart is screaming
Still believing
We could fall in love

Even though I want you
Even though I need you
Even though we won't find better
We can't stay together

It's all right
Happiness only comes to few
But in time you may find it in someone new


At the same time, I'm pissed at myself for being such a self centered dumbass.

Now about those assignments....

Monday, November 13, 2006

SCREEAAAMMMM

beautiful no more


i just realized that the FYP topic i chose has consigned me to my doom.

*slaps self on head for choosing wrong topic*

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Headlines

So google took over blogger too... hmmm

But anyways, a couple of headlines in the star online today made me laugh, for different reasons.

the first one:
Man suffers shock while trying to steal electric cables

Its pretty self explanatory. Padan muka!!

the second one:
Dr. Mahathir in good spirits after suffering heart attack.

Seems like post heart attack effects include good spirits =p Glad his happy. At least he'll stop complaining about the government.

Bah i have the flu again.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

All we need is just a little patience.....

Sitting down here in my friends place in posh Angel, away from the ghetto neighbourhood oh Whitechapel, listening to the dramagods, waiting for my siew yoke (roast pork, chinese style) to be cooked, smelling a little busuk because of football in the evening, aching all over because i slept on the cold hard floor last night, pleased because I've finally completed two 2000 word essays, blogging because I don't want to start studying survival models till I get home and enjoy a nice decent hot shower.

Life is..... eventful. And exciting. And worth living for.

Somebody please please remind me to be careful when I say prayers like "God, teach me more patience" or "Grant me wisdom in dealing with difficult people" or "Teach me to love people as You love me." Jia lat. Can die. Triple death combo. Super duper ultimate GG. All we need is just a little patience.

But anyways, its been eventful. Life that is. My internet got cut off, for some odd reason (mainly because of some technical difficulties -the old contract expired- in applying and getting the new broadband done) and I'll only be connected online in late November. Like I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms here. But I did realize that not having internet increases my productivity by ridiculous amount ie I spent less time chatting, surfing about reading articles that hardly concern me, comics, online shopping, youtube, football etc... and I can concentrate better on the things I really need to do (ie study), and even if I'm distracted, I go to productive distractions (practice guitar). But it does suck when I need to use the internet to send out emails or gather information for research. Which is actually quite often. So which leads me to have to plan my time better and use the lab computers. Now thats what I call GG. Lab computers.

And on monday morning, while I was on my way to do groceries, smiling at my neighbours who were all celebrating the Hari Raya (I live in a predominantly muslim area) and wishing them well, i came down from my house, looked at my bike, and realised that some -explicit deleted- had stolen my bike seat. Like why man? Why steal my seat when my butt had got itself used to the seat, after enduring the pain its been given me in the in betweens and getting used to it, and they steal my seat.

Now often when my friends tell me their sorrows of similiar experiences, I'd usually try and comfort them and tell them its no big deal. Its ok. Its just a bike seat. At least they left the bike. Imagine if they'd took the bike and left the seat. etc etc Like yeah it's just a seat.

Man I WAS PISSED. If I was God -and thankfully i'm not- I'd have called down fire and brimstone and raze them to the ground. Them and their whole families. All generations. And extended relatives. Swift and harsh retribution.

Which of course led me to wonder why couldnt I just chill out and accept that it was just a seat. I eventually did I as sat down complaining to God over lunch that I dont want to call down fire and brimstone on them anymore, but would just like to get back my seat thank you very much. Well, I didnt get back my seat, but I eventually cooled off and cycled to the nearest junk store on my seatless bike to look for a seat. Managed to get a seat -which was probably stolen of someone elses bike as well- and now I carry my bike seat around whereever I go so that the same thing wont happen again. Pray that they don't steal a wheel next time. All we need is just a little patience....

And I went for the combined CU (christian union) event in All Souls church last thursday. It was really good. The message preached was powerful, and its steal, no i mean still in my head till today. Grace, preaching the message, enduring hardship like a good soldier, perseverance (and one more which I forgot whooops), it was such a timely reminder for the whole CU, and it really impacted me personally as a Christian.

On other matters, I went to watch Les Miserables last Tuesday. Its a musical, and the story is about a guy who was sentenced to jail for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving family. When his sentence was over, he was blah ... i'm too lazy to explain. Go read the book or watch the musical. But anyways i thoroughly enjoyed myself as it was quite good.

Tomorrow is thursday, and it just occured to me that week 5 is going to be over in a couple of days, and weeks 6 is looming. The courseworks are going to come in really soon, and my survivals models lecturer has this great idea of doing courseworks exams style online. -_-" Like i'm so doomed man. So doomed.

Anyways, I think the siew yoke is still not ready, but i shall go read some survival models now. Till when i next have to time and internet connection to blog.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Something smells fishy

Just read a report in today's Star newspaper that the Melaka state goverment wants to build a "110m high revolving tower".

I know it MIGHT be a great boost to tourism, but I think that our YAB should think about building more schools, giving more financial assistance to existing ones, improve the public transport system and stuff like that rather than build a revolving tower.

But then again the boost to tourism might create more jobs and help boost the local economy, which will have spillover effects (more jobs, more tourists, more jams and congestion) which could benefit the state as well. Its hard to argue against politicians, i mean, economics.

But then having already spend a few million on THAT stupid artificial waterfall, and another million on THAT 50m plasma screen, whats another few million of taxpayers money. Anyway, who remembers/notices you for building more schools and hospital and good public transport? You'll only be remembered if you build multi million dollar landmarks.

At least I'll get to stand on top of it with my durian cendol in hand and enjoy a panoramic view of Malacca. Anyone care to join me?

edit: OMG it's not a few million. its RM 21 million

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Triple death combo

So it's confirmed.

I'm doing the triple death combination of electives called pensions, life (& health insurance) and GI (general insurance).

So now my life for the next 6 months will be between doing Pensions Coursework, Life Courseworks, GI courseworks, Survival Model Courseworks (notice the irony of the terms "life" and "survival") , SPMI (dont even ask) courseworks, the CU(christian union), and last but not least, my rock star plans. Oh yeah, how could I forget my Final Year Project.

TGIF - So i can start research on the projects -_-"

But nonetheless, the CU meeting was totally awesome. I mean like TOTALLY AWESOME. Simply because God was there. Such an honour to serve there.

*sighs with happiness*

And happy tang-lung festival kids. Make sure you set your lanterns on fire, and eat lots of mooncakes. Especially the tau sa ones. They're really good.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Defining...

Tired: me

BUT

Content: me

&

Joyful: me

Thank You, Lord. Thank You.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

memories

Some photos I dug out from my comp, decided to upload them here, just for memories sake. In no particular order:George, my former housemate, valiantly attempting to blow up an inflatable mattress (the pump didn't work). He didn't succeed.
Today, outside my ghetto flats. I'm learning to appreciate of the works of the Creator.
Malacca Evangelical Free Church. Where I grew up in a loving family. Its been torn down to make way for a new church building =)

The Acts Church, the next closest thing to home.
Home sweet home.
Joel, Chern Zhi and Matthew. Eating nasi lemak with your buddies in church, there's nothing better than that.
Aunty Lay Choo and Lesley share a happy moment
The CF in St. David's High School today (well about 1 year ago). "Prayer Changes Things" says the words on the wall. I remember putting it up 5 years ago when we were in school. Some things don't change though.

A scenic scene in Universiti Malaysia Sabah, after our kinabalu trip.
Band of Brothers. We're all over the place now. Sigh.
Skiing in the frech alps, with dudes from cambridge.
Nothing more rewarding than the sight of sunrise when you're at the peak of Mt. Kinabalu.
Me and Wilbur making fun of John Boy at Laban Rata, halfway up Kinabalu.
Me invading somewhere in Trafalgar Square. Note the CCTV above the door.

The day we left for london. The whole 223y Subang gang with us at KLIA.
From left, Ian, Ernest, Me, Ding, Alvin, Kenneth, Jeremy, Marcus.
In Oxfordshire. Yuli charging across as we were taking a group picture.
Watching Arsenal Porto at the emirates stadium. An experience of a lifetime.
The lake district.
Me and alvin checking out the camera.
Getting a tan at the Collesseum in Rome.

Irene, Alvin and Carlyn having fun waiting for a DLR to come at the Canary Wharf station.
The turkey we tried to roast in the our first christmas here. It tasted weird.
Self portrait in Luxembourg.
Me, Ding and Alvin attempting a Happy Tree Friends pose in Bath.
Taking a picture with the legendary Tommy Emmanuel.

Memories.

Time to move on.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Life is way too eventful

What a week. What a week man.

Let me say that again for extra emphasis. WHAT A WEEK!!!!!!!!!

Aaaanyways, classes started last monday. The first day was fine and good, cycling to uni, nearly getting run over by a truck (lies told to make the story more interesting).

And Tuesday came. Tuesday rocked my socks. And is still rocking. We had the fresher's fayre on that day for the Christian Union. So 845 i was at church with Toinpre carrying this 4 boxes of Gideons bibles. If I ever had a problem with bibles it was there and then. It was sooooo heavy (that even my 6"4' friend who can lift me up and throw me across the road with one arm
was suffering carrying it). Imagine me and my skinny ass dragging them all the way. No shit man. No shit. My arms told me that they did their quota of work for the week already.

But anyways back to tuesday, so we had a prayer in the stairwell, set up the stall, and OMG at the end of the day we had NEARLY 80 NAMES on the list. It was just such an amazing testimony for the both of us. Everything from the "strategic" position of the stall to the beautiful weather that day to all the people who just walked right up without us having to say anything, it was amazing. Incredibly amazing. But in between all that I had to go for a 3 hour class called survival models which was totally rape. The math that our professor threw at us was just mental. They were right in calling it survival models.

And when i got home that evening, i realized that i was coming down with the flu. But I had to soldier on. Like a man. Cause, OMGROFTLOLBBQ I had tickets to the Arsenal Porto Champions League match at the emirates stadium!!!

I've never been to a proper football match at the stadium before, so this was an exhilarating experience. When I got to the stadium my mouth was gaping wide open all the way till the game started. The WOW factor was just so there. The stadium was beautiful, the atmosphere was amazing, seeing the team i had supported (arsenal that is) for a decade in the flesh was totally out of this world. Never had I thought that one day I'd be siting in Arsenal's home stadium watching them play. And they won to make it a spendid night.

But then i came home. Sick with flu. Bleh.

Weds i went for my asset liability management class to see whether it was elective worth taking or not. The notes and all were very impressive, like the most complete and comprehensive indepth lecturer's notes i have ever seen, unfortunately i couldnt understand a single word the lecturer was saying due to his strong cypriot accent and soft voice. So it was a no go.

Thursday came and the flu got worse, and also 7 hours of lectures on that day. But later in the day we had our first CU meeting of the term, and it was amazing. Once again God's hand was evident there, loads of people came till we had to SHIFT rooms, and everybody felt at home, and the whole CU committee was very encouraged. Plus not to mention loads of people who said they couldn't make it for the first meeting but will be coming for future meetings. Praise GOD!!!

And after that on the way home i got caught in the rain -_-"

Anyways today the flu got worse, and my pensions class was very interesting, which leaves me in anawful dilemma on choosing what electives to take. I could go for the crazysuredienochanceofsurvival combination of Life Insurance, Pensions and General Insurance, or the more managable any combination of the two above plus a non actuarial science module. The whole problem is that I consider Life and GI pretty much "compulsory" electives (my personal opinion), but pensions is so interesting and i'll really enjoy learning it (for once - i think); but then if i take any combination of the two i dont know what othe module to take, or what module out of the three to drop for that matter.

Decisions decisions.

But the weekend is here, time to sort out some stuff, catch up on school work, practice some guitar, recover from the flu, and decide on my electives. TGIF!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

When the going gets tough....

Alvin "SB" Choong showing his mettle

The tough get going, and the not so tough run away....RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

*composes self*

Anyways, it's been a hectic 2 weeks here in London, preparing for the new term, finishing the anime series Full Metal Alchemist in 4 days on YouTube (and now starting on 11.7GB of Futurama), planning CU stuff, getting myself a new bike, sorting out the mess in my room, and fretting over the disappearing act of my Final Year Project (FYP) supervisor, which at the moment leaves my FYP topic proposal pending approval with 2 weeks left to the deadline and supervisor nowhere in sight, meeting up with different people, and finding out today that they have moved the elective that I wanted to take to the next term. BLARGHH!

So now I'm in this dilemma of not chaging my module and keeping it for the next term, but which will mean 99% chance of death in the finals at the end (comparatively if i had taken it in the this term it would be a 95% chance of death in January exams), or I can change to other modules which I am not really keen on/had done enough research on it to make an informed choice.

Cycling to Uni so far has been really good, it takes only 15-20 mins to get to uni. 15 mins if i cycle like there's no tomorrow and don't get stuck behind a bus. But anyways its cool as long as IT DOESNT RAIN. But so far no incidences of getting caught in rain yet la... =D

So now i might have to take Asset-Liability Management instead of Investments as a module. Bah. Dammit.

On the bright side, I got myself a ticket to watch the champions league match between Arsenal and Porto this tueday night at Ashburton Grove. Hurrah!! And the odd jobs i did in Uni yesterday earned me 52 pounds which effectively paid for my match ticket with 20 pounds to spare.

But this week will be crazy with term starting on monday, freshers fayre/football match on tuesday, sandwich making(don't ask)/cell group on weds, CU meeting on thursday, and hunting down the whereabouts of my supervisor the whole week. And also my ongoing rock star wannabe project which requires me to put in at least 2 hours of practice a day (doesn't really happen as you will notice).

So now the tough gets going. I'll just need to get tough. Time to do the laundry.

AND ARSENAL BEAT MAN U!!!!!

*ahem*



Friday, September 15, 2006

Stuff stuff stuff

Part of my final year project topic, together with some still-not-very-widely-used-in-the-process-of-implementation branch of math called Tail-VaR. Why la why I go and make life difficult for myself.


I got more new stuff when I came home recently, notably more CDs. I finally managed to get my hands on Tommy Emmanuel's Endless Road album (see pic) and also Paul Gilbert's latest guitar instrumental album, Get Out of My Yard.

My 2 new CDs =D

Anyways, the Endless Road album is an awesome album. Anybody who listens to music will definately enjoy it. It's really really really good. I mean really. Especially if you want some inspiration to keep you going on the guitar.

I was trying the song Angelina last night (see previous posts), and I realized my fingerpicking skills are no longer existent. It's gonna be a while even before I get past the intro of the song.

And then there was this Get Out of My Yard album. All I can say that it's quite...erm. Weird? There's some fantastic guitar work on it, no doubt, but then it's no something that mortals like me would ever be able to play in 10 lifetimes. Alright alright, maybe 20. But that's besides the point. Well basically the album is just crazy, and I realized that as much I like to think that my musical tastes have further evolved into a higher plane, I still struggle to sit down and listen to a full blown guitar album. Cannot tahan. But maybe over time though. I did find some new cool YouTube videos of Paul Gilbert's stuff and I think they are absolutely the best. (heh.. many will disagree on this) But anyway here's a link to the song Individually Twisted on the album Alligator Farm. So if you have time, a decent broadband connection, a good set of speakers, crank it up baby!!

OK now it's time to devise a plan to con the lecturer into being my supervisor. Gotta pretend I know some stuff. Off to work then!!

Bah final year projects. What a pain.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

OMG ITS AMAZING!!!

My new toy that I just got a few days ago. Sony Ericsson K800i, equipped with a 3.2 MP camera and lots of other geeky stuff that I don't know how to use. No matter.

Couple of days back, I got back to my new house in London, and OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOMG you wouldn't believe the sight that greeted me.

When I first walked in, the house smelled different. Felt different. But more importantly, LOOKED different. And this is what I saw.


My new hallway. Notice its clean. Like spanking clean. Momma you'd be proud. Your son ain't no ghetto boy anymore.


A new toilet! New seat. New tiles. More importantly, nice smell and clean.


More happiness to follow. A brand new bathroom!! Totally remade.


And a BRAND NEW KITCHEN. This is the greatest thing ever. Especially after the kitchen flooding fiasco which I will tell one day. Soon.


Another view of the kitchen. We got a new washing machine too!! And its clean!! It's so cool to have girls in the house. (And no alvin no matter how long your hair grows you can't become alvina)


Unfortunately, my room is in this sorry state. All because everybody's tumpang-ed luggage was left here. And is still here. Blah.. -_-""

Ahh my beautiful new house. Now to get the room done.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

While passing the time by

I finally got some of the CDs that i wanted, and they are:

The best of Fourplay
Mr Big: Greatest Hits
The Very best of Tommy Emmanuel
Joe Satriani: Strange Beautiful Music

I persuaded my dad to pay upfront for me 1st (which we all know that the likelyhood of me paying back is..erm..small.) But i did agree to bring him to the clark shoe shop to have the shoe of his choice when he comes to london next year.

But anyway, I was on watching Tommy Emmanuel on YouTube today... It's just so inspiring. And as such, with my long term rock star plans in mind, I've decided to work on 2 songs for the year (as mentioned by my crazy jazz pianist long lost brother that i need to set tangible goals to help me improve, and yes i know my tempo needs major work too). And they are....

Tommy Emmanuel's - Angelina
Mr Big's - Addicted to that Rush

Its gonna be a long long year of practice -_-"

Friday, September 08, 2006

So i'm leaving...on a jet plane...

I was watching THE chelsea barcelona game from 2 seasons ago, yes THAT game where the barca defence decided they liked to take a nap and conceded 3 goals in the first 20 mins, and the where Ronaldinho scored THE goal...yes THAT goal which I unfortunately missed cause my sis came over and changed channels... -_-"

But anyways... my head tells me that i should go practice more guitar and not slack, but my body decided that it wanted to do something else... ok that came out wrong. But you get the idea. Heck no, don't get any ideas.

This morning i woke up with the sudden realisation that i need bicycle to get to uni. It'll cut travel time to uni by half. So i defiantely be cycling this year. I can wake up later...hooray! no more 45 mins walk. Now all I ned to do is find the most ghetto-pariah-looking bike possible so people will look at it, feel pity for me and give me money. But the whole point is so that they won't steal my bike. So wish me luck in my hunt for a second hand bike guys. And pray too the a lorry doesn't run me down on my way to Uni. That's not the way to go man. Abosolutely not.

But anyways, flight is on sunday, my stuff are all packed (i think), so its adious malaysia for the year, i'll see you again soon.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Losing the will to live

This morning I woke up with a sudden realisation that I've lost the will to live. Before any of you panic, I'm not going to commit suicide or anything morbid like that, rather, just simply, I've lost the will to live. To live life. Or maybe I never had it in the first place. In fact if you think hard about it, you probably feel the same way too.

Back when I was busy and overworked with courseworks, assignments and exams, screaming "Lord take me home!!!" everyday, I thought once the exams were over, the holidays came, life would be good. Life would be something to look foward to. Waking up on a monday morning wouldnt be a dread.

Now that I've been on holiday for quite some time, the so envisioned bliss isn't really happening. It's been a while since I woke up in the morning with a spring to my step, something to look foward to. If its not the dread of woke, then its the aimless wandering around with no direction.

And most of the time when I think I have purpose, it's because I busy myself with so many things that I don't have time to sit down and reflect what am I really doing with my life, things like work, social outings, church, hobbies, this and that.

Its like I've lost purpose. And a zest for life.

Something is not right here. Something is missing. Life isn't meant to be like this. There's definately more than this. Much more. Am I'm going to find it.

Maybe google knows =p

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Told you not to....

I did the worst thing I could have ever done today. I started playing and RPG. A trilogy series RPG.

While pretty much spells the end of my rock star ambitions, I must say that this is one hard hard difficult lots of patience required game together with cheats and walkthroughs. But its really well done. You get to pull of spectacular combos, you get really strong and poewrful opponents, who btw happen to kick my ass most of the time, you get nice blades and spikes all ready to dice through you. Pretty much following the revelutionary release of the 1st game. Oh i think i forgot to mention the title. It's Prince of Persia!! I wanted to upload a picture here but the internet connection is so bad so i think i'll just screw the idea.

I bought myself a new 40gb external HDD yesterday in a bid to reformat my comp and get it running properly again. Much to my dismay my laptop refused to cooperate and instructed the DVD drive not to work. As a result my auto recovery disk can't be read. And hence the %*!#!@ thing can't be reformatted. Blah!

I think I need to stop playing PS2 and DotA and start putting in more hours of practice on my guitar. My tempo (or lack of it) still haunts me (actually, not really). But point is, I should start doing more useful things. Bah and I'm leaving to London next week and havent read up crap yet on my FYP. I have this feeling thats it's gonna be another long long year ahead.

Today, is merdeka day. Looking outside my house, there doesn't seem to be much of a merdeka mood going around. Even last night on merdeka eve, i think the celebrations were reduced to a damp squib to the thunderstorm that came hurtling down. Can't really complain though...rain always brings a good night's sleep :D I half wanted to write a long long entry on merdeka day, but I think i'm just to sleepy to do it. Maybe next year, else i'll get more randomness than content.

I seem to be typing crap anyway.

Blah. I'm off to take a shower and eat dinner.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

wait for me(part 2).....

At least this time the title is not totally irrelevant and depicts how i feel in some funny way...

Anyways, I got back from subang yesterday. I'm beginning to miss the people there already. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So london here i come. Next sunday though.

And my phone had a collision with a kembara with totally killed its display. And my camera refuses to work too. Bummer man.

10 more days to go before i fly back, and I have a ton of things to do at the moment. Been clearing up my room and getting back my contact list the whole day, and about 3 games of DOTA where i was totally pawned. Man i'm so out of practice.

I actually had a hundred and one things to blog about but somehow for the life of me i can't really recall any of it now. Maybe its a sign that i need to go get more sleep.

And i'm lazy to go on so i guess i'll just leave it at here.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Wait for meeeeeee......

I love titles that are totally irrelevant to the article.

Anyways, I pretty much confirmed my return flight home already, which will be on the 10th of September, via Malaysian Airlines, 12pm from KLIA. So i'll be flying off together with Ding, Sze Chuen and Chia Wei, barring anymore threats of bombs or whatever. It's gonna be a pain as it is if they don't lift the "NO CABIN LUGGAGE OR ELECTRONIC DEVICES" restriction when I fly. I bet my laptop will never leave KLIA if i put it in the baggae compartment. Some idiot's bound to steal it. But then again, satistically, if everyone brought laptops and put their laptops in the check in baggage, that would mean the risk is pooled and each of us will have less chance of having our laptops stolen... But that's not the point. I want zero risk.

As it is, I've sort of confirmed my topic for my final year project. I'm planinng to do some reaserch on VaR and Tail-VaR, but the other day and I wrote to a potential project supervisor and asked whether he'd be interested in overseeing the project. All he said was "drop by my office and we'll talk about it", and although I pointed out that i couldn't do so because I am not in London at the moment, he then just told me to see him when I get back. So I get this feeling that my project is hanging in the balance waiting for some sort of approval. While in the meantime, do I go looking for another project or what? I hate uncertainty. And I'll hate it more if I have to go looking for another final year project to do 2 weeks before term begins. Somehow things like this always happen to me. Sigh. Third year looks like it's gonna stick a big big knife up my butt already.

A song that played in my head this morning when I woke up:

Fill my eyes, O my God
With the vision of the cross
Fill my heart, with love for Jesus
The Nazarene
Fill my mouth, with thy praise
Let me sing though endless days
Take my will, let my life,
Be wholly Thine.

I just hope I don't end up being another hypocrite. I probably already am one. Well I guess nobody ever said that life would be easy.

Moving on, time has really flown during my stay back here. In two weeks time I'll be leaving Subang and heading home to Melaka to spend time with my family for another fortnight, and then I'll be back to London for my final year of studies. But I must say it's been a really good time back here, meeting up with so many old friends, even though some of them have taken different paths, but nonetheless, its still great to know that at the end of the day we're still like brothers and sisters. And so many new friends! It has been really really great to meet and be freinds with so many awesome and wonderful people. Life's a lot better with them around.

I'm still wondering how best to spend my second last week in subang. Tomorrow night I'll be heading off to church after work to try out a song with Enoch (hopefully I don't screw it up again) and then on Weds going to the Malaysian Philharmonic Orhcestra to watch Fourplay (HURRAH!-note to self: do not forget to bring tickets). But I guess tonight would mean practicing till my fingers bleed (or I get the tempo thing sorted out, whichever comes first) so that everything will be smooth flowing tomorrow. Friday night would then be either futsal or meeting up with Kenneth Chan aka Lord of Madness or both, depending. Thursday night I might have to head of to One U to get that VaR book. And Saturday night is church, Sunday night has something on but I can't remember what. Looks like the week's quite well filled up.

Lat night I was watching a concert DVD that Enoch passed to me till about 2am, all japanese music. I'm only like 10% through it, but my goodness. I wanna be Japanese. I mean I wanna play music like they do. There were these two funk/jazz bands that were playing, Casiopea and The Square. Didn't manage to see much of Casiopea yet, but I caught about 20 mins of The Square, and the only thing that felt like a square was my head. They are soooooooooooooo good. Another CD added to my "must buy" list. Which probably brings the list to a grand total of 20 CDs or something like that. I smell something burning. And I think it's my debit card. But like Enoch said, you only live once. What the heck. Retail therapy is the new health for me.

And I'm still waiting for my paycheck from Bank Negara. It's like 15 days late. Sometimes people don't realise that when they don't do things properly they're tarnishing more than just their own image. I want my paaaayyyyy........so I get that cool jacket that I saw too. Which will set me back by another Rm180.

I think I've finally got over my addiction of FM2006. But I haven't deleted it of my comp yet, so that danger is still there. Blearghh! It's a love hate relationship I tell you.

Sometimes sitting here in the office with absolutely nothing to do makes me wonder what the heck am I doing here. But yet I justify it by saying this is the only way I'll get to spend my summer in KL with my friends. And at least there's some semblance of work. Else I'd really rot. To the point where I'd pick up a pen and think its a new apple product or something.

So here's to the last 2 weeks in subang for the year. *sigh*

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Life at Work

Lazyness got the better of me , so I didn't blog for the past months.

Anyways that was a pretty lousy intro for a blog entry, but lets move on.

So here I am sitting in the office of Bank Negara Malaysia in the insurance supervision department. I found that as as intern in Bank Negara you are usually overpaid and underworked. So to keep myself from falling asleep, I shall spend time telling you all about life in the past month.

Lets start off with work. Working life is...well..cool? I dont't know. It definately has its pros and cons, but I think as far as this job is concerned, whatever pros that I foresaw as a student for a working person has been completely blown to bits. All because i buntut gatal and decided that I wanna study Actuarial Science and be an actuary. (And by the way, to that smart ass, no, actuarial science has NOTHING TO DO with botany. Unless of course one day some insurance company decides to insure your durian tree in your ah kong's dusun, but thats another story.)

Back to my point. Well you see, the main complain I had as a student is the endless amount of studying which I am supposed -but never did- to do... you know, like after you get home from Uni at 7pm, cook your dinner, then you gotta start reading about todays class material, assignments, etc. Thats a pain. Working life -I thought- would mean just getting up early in the morning, brave the rush hour, work till evening, brave the rush hour again, then you're home scott free for the rest of the evening. Well that still holds true for most professions. I mean, even if you're an auditor being overworked and underpaid in PWC no rest for 24 hours 7 days a week 6 months of the year, well heck....you don't need to do anything once you get home from work - I just realised my auditor anology is not going to work but I'm too lazy to think of another one - As for this field that I'm in, coming home would still mean bringing fat textbooks with you, studying, preparing for actuarial exams, understanding what other new mathematical/statistical methods geeks like you in the industry have come up with and so on and so forth. Where's the social life man??? Like I said, the auditor analogy doesnt work cos most of them take their CAP papers to become chartered accountants.

Well so much for working life. Its still fun though. I'm beggining to see all the math and stats that I've learnt in the past 2 years fall into application, and just somehow its gives a little bit more meaning to my life when I'll be sitting down in front of books reading theories and math that I don't really understand much about. So thats a little bit more motivation to study harder. Not.

I take the bus to work -yes, you heard me right. THE BUS- everyday. And I must say, the much maligned Malaysian public transport system isn't that bad after all. Well at least for the buses and the area I'm in, it's pretty decent. I've been living in SS13 subang Jaya for the past month, and taking the no 10 and 13 metrobus -talk about metro guys, we've got metro bus- to work. Well before this I was taking the KTM, and also the yellow mini buses to get to the KTM station. And heck they are good. So far everyday, every 5-10 minutes there'd be a metrobus coming along to take me to KL. So too for the yellow buses. Very good service. The KTM is pretty decent too, only that a train comes every 15 mins. If they improved the frequency of it or added some extra carriages it'd be much better.

I actually took the time to write an email to the KL Urban Transport Department, praising them for the existing bus service that I use -I'm sure almost all 26 million Malaysians out there would disagree with me- and also outlining some suggestions on how to further improve the existing system. I actually wrote it on a feedback page on their website, and the whole thing took me 45 mins to write. Unfortunately for me, when I clicked the "send" button, the next thing that appeared was an error screen. When I think of that even up to today, words still fail me. Here is this guy taking the trouble to PRAISE the authorities for the PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM and the blasted webpage gives me an error message. Talk about ungratefulness. But it's more likely that 26 million malaysians out there are spamming the site with hate messages and death threats (which would be the reason why it got stuck...so I guess I'll blame them instead. Heh.

In the headlines today it was announced that Malaysia Airlines, under its restructuring program, will increase its domestic airfares effective in 2 weeks time (which I assume would be somewhere mid August). First thing when my dad saw it in the news last night was to call me up and ask me to hurry up and get my plane ticket before the international fares went up too. Did my research first thing in the morning today.... and guess what I found.

Flights to London (one way, inc tax and fees):
MAS RM3100
Emirates RM2400 (transit at Dubai)
British Airways RM 5100 (transit at HK via Cathay Pacific)
Thai Airways RM 4098 (transit at Bangkok)
Qantas RM 2300 (from Changi)
SIA RM 2200 (from KLIA-transit at Changi S'pore)
SIA RM 3300 (from Changi)

Seems to me like SIA is doing some serious predatory pricing on MAS's ass here. Talk about friendly relations. If I were Singaporean I'd buy a plane ticket with SIA from Malaysia and fly to London from KLIA. Take a train or a coach up to KLIA. That way you'd still save at least RM500. And Thai Airways better be giving some Thai massage onboard to justify that price. BA can just fly home on their own.

I'd regard myself as slightly more patriotic that the average Malaysian citizen out there -heck the fact that I praised the transport system should make me the most patriotic one already by default - but paying RM 900 more isn't my idea of competiveness. MAS better get their pricing strategy right. Or sabotage SIA. Else someone's gonna need another bailout soon.

I'd like to stop blogging now but I'd have too much free time on my hands then an don't know what to do with it so I guess i'll just continue on with another couple of paragraphs.

Oh yeah, exams result came out like a month ago. I did pretty alright. In fact it was a miracle considering the marks that I got. All glory to God. He truly is faithful when I am faithless. All that desperation, sleepless nights, prayers, emotions, trauma... gosh. Seems like a lifetime ago. But i guess I'll be in for another round in my third year. Funny how exams can shape you so much. Now I won't have to go back early in august and resit. Don't think I'd be able to survive the resit if I had failed the first try.

Another thing that's been going through my mind not too long ago was concerning this too. There's plenty of folks out there like me, who by God's amazing grace, at the point of failure, went into an exam hall, came out with distinctions or marks that they can only dream of. But what about those who DID fail? I won't dispute the fact that God is gracious and He is sovereign, He knows and controls it all, and everything that happens is within His grand design if things, good or bad, that's a fact and truth that is infallible - well unless you don't believe God exist or you believe in a version of God that's quite different from mine, but that's besides the point- I mean, what do you say to these people? What can you possibly say to console them? This whole thing has caused me to be a bit skeptical about the whole go-up-in-front-and-share-your-testimony-about-your-exams-results thing. Sure, I rejoice with you when you do well, but what about that brother or sister in the same room who just failed the exams even after trying so hard, if not harder? But I believe in some things the "why" is not for us to know. But nonetheless I'm a bit careful nowadays with whom and how I tell news like this to. Just something to think about. Cos there are more serious issues in life than exams which will have similiar scenarios.

Well.... I think thats a nice blog entry that'll make up for all the laziness so far. Heh. Till later.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Heat, Humidity, MyTeam and TmNet

Yeah!! Finally I decided to update.

Been back in Malaysia since the 20th, left Heathrow on the 19th evening in a largely uneventful and routine flight. Before that was the trip to Newcastle to watch the jaw dropping Tommy Emmanuel concert, which of course a fantastic weekend. Then came the Champions League final where Arsenal lost to Barcelona, but what the heck...our one man team (which I just found out that his middle name is Daniel!!!) is staying put at Arsenal so its all good. After that was helping Magda (who probably will be my new housemate next year, yay!) move her stuff over to my place, which of course, was no joke since now there's hardly enough space to walk about in my room.

Anyways since I've got back I've been constantly complaining about how hot it is back home, but then at the end of the day I still love it here compared to London anyday. Except for the fact that I wake up at 9am every morning because it's too hot to continue sleeping. And the humidity!! GAH! I pretty upset about the fact that my 1 week old guitar strings are now all covered in rust and now I have to replace them again. And the tanglewood's G-string snapped. I blame the heat and rust too.

Apart from that issue, been catching up with friends for the pass 2 weeks, going out at night and just chilling, went to genting with my family last weekend, then over to my grandparents place in KL and Melaka. Life is good at the moment. This weekend I'll be off to Port Dickson for my family church camp, where they put me in charge of the games. And I'm gonna torture all the uncles and aunties with insane non stop running heart attack inducing games so that they'll never ask me to do games again. Shock therapy. *grin* (which reminds me of course that I have to actually start planning it)

And then next weekend off to Subang!! Whee! Cant wait for that. And Mr Limus is coming down on thursday (unless he FFK me) and maybe Uncle Nick too to Melaka and then we'll be going up together on saturday. (and those who know me well enough will know that it's actually my evil play to get them to help carry my stuff up to subang. mauahaha.) *Hey guys if u read that, come anyway and i bribe u with cendol and ikan bakar and satay celup and chicken rice ball. Good deal what...* =D

And also not forgetting the other 2 topics on my title, i'll start with TmNet 1st cos I have to complain about them. TmNet sucks laaa!!!! Ok got that out.
MyTeam..... I was cheering for them the whole way in the match against the Malaysian national team (except the part where I missed the 2nd half cause I went out for mamak). Aiyo but seriously watching Malaysia football is like watching a comedy la. And its quite a good comedy I must say. I'd like to hantam FAM but then it'd do no good. So forget it lah.

Still waiting for my internship replies. Quite stressful I tell you.Especially when you have to call Bank Negara. I think i'll prolly end up working in AsiaCafe la. Of maybe starbucks that took over Mee Yoke. hehee...not.

And now I must go off and sweep the floor before my mama kick my ass. And futsal tonight...yeah!! adios!

p.s. was thinking about posting up pictures of wonderful delicious Malaysian food (hint people in Uk who aren't back yet and wont be back for a long long time) but then the internet connection is so bad and its too hot and I have limited patience so I'll spare you guys this time. Just this time.

Friday, May 12, 2006

i told you he's gay

mralvin: mama you're coming here says:
come sit on my lap
mralvin: mama you're coming here says:
i offer guidance

ughhhhh.....

mralvin: mama you're coming here says:
why u attach negative connotations?
mralvin: mama you're coming here says:
to my sincere innocent gesture


I wonder what innocent gesture he's talking about

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I've the Joy!

Something's changed. I feel a whole lot better. Happy. Joyful. Hopeful. Not afraid. But everything hasn't. In fact it's got worse. I still can't do contingencies in the time limit, (which i assure u is the least of my worries at the moment - getting half of them done right is the one i'm after), IM is nearer now than ever and i've only just finished reading the module and looking at past year exams i've no idea what the question wants even after doing my reading. So in other words it look tougher more than ever now. And not to mention I've forgotten half the stuff I studied from 2 weeks ago.

But a couple of days ago after that post of despair, I don't know. Many prayers have been said. Many complaints of despair to both daddy's, earthly dad and heavenly Dad. Friends from home have been there to listen and to encourage.

And today. Today i woke up with a sense of joy. Of peace inside. With that sudden realisation that, no matter what comes my way, no matter what happends in the end,

"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strenghten you,
Yes I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10


That's the promise. And countless more of them. I do not fear anymore.

Sigh. Funny how God uses mundane boring things like exams to bring you to your knees and closer to Him.

Time to not run with my strength anymore. It's time for battle.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

i am scared

I am afraid. Truly I am.
My heart is gripped with fear like never before.

Never have i ever been in such a position before exams, the 1st paper is about a week away, and despite 3 weeks of studying 6 hours a day minimum, which subsequently went up to 10-12 hours in the last week, still render at the stage that if i were to take any paper now, I almost definately won't pass.

If only I have one more week. That would make a hell lot of difference.

But I don't. I am scared. My heart cannot deny the fear that grips me.

Fact is, humanly speaking, no matter how I prepare this last few days, there's no way I'm going to be able to scrape it this time. Knowing my abilites and my limitations, I know there's no way. And thoughts like this have been going through my mind even as I went to bed last night.

I woke up with the same thoughts this morning, but I was reminded of the song, which goes:

God will make a way,
When there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.
He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side.
With Love and Strength for each new day
He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness,
He'll lead me.
And rivers in the desert will I see.
Heaven and earth shall fade,
But His Word will still remain,
He will do something new today.

His word will still remain. Times like these, when everything is beyond me, all I can do is hold on to the promises of God.

Psalm 25:1, 2, 15, 20

To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed...

My eyes are ever toward the LORD,

For He shall pluck my feet out of the net...

Keep my soul, and deliver me,
Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.

And this is the one that I want to be able to say with all my heart.

Psalm 27: 1, 3, 5, 7,9

The Lord is my light and salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?

Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I willbe confident.

For in the time of trouble,
He shall hide me in His pavillion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.

Psalm 28: 1, 2, 6, 7

To You I will cry, O Lord my Rock;
Do not be silent to me,
Lest, if You are silent to me,
I become like those who go down to the pit.
Hear the voice of my supplications
When I cry to You,
When I lift up my hands toward You holy sanctuary

Blessed be the LORD,
Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices
And with my song I will praise Him.

Psalm 27: 14

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!


I will wait on You O my God. I need a miracle from You.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Random

It's been a long three months. Lots of work, capped of with a final marathon of exams needing to be done at sprint speed. 6 papers in 2 weeks!! No wonder people say 2nd year of Actuarial Science is the hardest. Third year what so hard? FYP only marrr... :P (i know that statement's gonna come bite me back in the ass...watch out for a post on it in about 6-8 months time)

Anyways, enough of exams and work. Who wants to listen to boring stuff like that. I'll always remember what a girl from church told me when I told her I had spent the weekend doing my assignments : "You're so booorrrriiing..." =_=" like i had a choice....hmmph!!

So i think i'll blog on something else. Like for example my guitar heroes....

Well I'm no fret flying rockstar of a guitarist, my housemates (and generally the entire block of apartments) will testify to the noise that they hear on a frequent basis. Hey, i know its bad, but thats why i practice maa...

Anyways, let's not digress. On to my guitar heroes:

Tommy Emmanuel


You won't hear him on the radio in our pop/hip-hop(dangdut??) music culture today, but heck, he's one of the maddest guitarist around. If you listen to his music, you'd think there's a whole band 3 guitars playing when there's actually only one. Totally superb. I don't really dig his style (but mainly because I won't be able to play like him even after 100 years of practice), and neither does my playing have much of his influence, but something very basic and simple that he said kept me going through the times when i felt like chucking my guitar out of the window (more like sell on ebay) when i was frustrated with non-existent progress, "Whatever you do, never give up." That sentence has kept me doggedly going all these while. *looks to housemates, sorry guys, blame uncle tommy*

Eric Clapton


I think he was my first ever guitar hero. Some people don't think he's that good, but this guy's guitar playing gives a whole new meaning to term emo-music. This one la real emo, not the rubbish called simple plan that 14 year old kids go crazy about. Aiyo he coming to london la this may, but one ticket now costs 145 pounds.... eeeeek!! If only i knew earlier.

Slash

Ok, so maybe he's not the best role model for kids out there, taking drugs, smoking ciggies onstage pulling of solos, but heck man, I think every guitarist at one point of their lives wanted/ still wants to play guitar GnR style. Very very influential. And I like that hat.

John Mayer


Ok Ok i confess I'm a fan. AND HE'S GOOD OK! Partly because I invested some money buying his Room For Squares CD out of impulse one day. And also the tab book. And many hours of practice. *smirks* By the way he has a new band now called John Mayer Trio, and they have pretty good stuff too. Blues rock style.

Zakk Wylde
His music is not for the faint hearted. Screaming guitars punctuated with pinch harmonics ever interval, mad solos. But anyways heard his playing from Ozzy's No More Tears album and liked it very much. I'll be singing Mama I'm Coming Home this May 19th. Nasi lemakkkkk!

And finally,

Paul Gilbert

If the romans worshipped guitarists, he'd be one of the gods. Probably zeus (although that is open for debate). He's one of those guys whose playing skills are on a totally different level from every one else. I've been listening to his stuff daily at least twice a day. Haha. Its mad la. He's mad. Whoever heard of using a power drill to play guitar? I mean, Hendrix used his teeth, but man, this guy uses a BLOODY DRILL. And he's got the coolest website ever. Plus usually when I hear these guys playing, i wanna give up straight. But his playing inspires me for some reason.

And i just realised i forgot to put Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi's gutiarist) and Mike Einzieger (Incubus) in. But I also malas want to type, and I doubt anybody made it this far down reading it anyways....

Oh well.

Time for pro evo before apu comes to take his controllers back.

[Edit: Oh shit we played to 6am in the morning. I hate myself for doing things like this... sigh]